"Well, it's not TEN, is it." Nigel Tufnel

one number has been on my mind for a few days.

sunday morning's mileage.

this will be the LONGEST run until the race.
the next two weeks of training will be tapering.

until then, my stomach is fluttery and my mind is repeating these soundbites:

side effect

decision deficiency

in my regular life, i'm not one to enjoy decisions - easy, difficult, important, trivial - they're all the same to me.

this weakness of mine has been highlighted recently.  

and it's magnified even more as time ticks closer to MAY 4th.

i feel so zoomed in on the half marathon that my brain doesn't have energy for anything else.

while shopping on saturday, i spent 25 minutes staring at t-shirts of various colors. 

what color t-shirt should i buy? this was the most difficult decision i've made in years. 

i was frozen.... over a t-shirt.

yesterday, the kind woman behind the wendy's counter asked me if i wanted butter with my baked potato. i was frozen. butter?  how am i supposed to know. way too much of this lady's and my co-worker's time was taken up to end up with no butter.

i'm sharing this as a cordial cautioning to my friends and to those who will be around me in the next couple of weeks.

please don't ask me to decide.

if you need me to decide, please don't sigh impatiently when it takes me 15 minutes to pick which Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream flavor i'll enjoy. (side note: their banana cajeta is amazing)
don't expect a direct answer if you need me to decide which golden girls episode is my favorite. (side note: 'a little romance' has hilarious one liners - "shrimp?!")

and sweet Stan Brule, please don't let this deficiency of mine get any worse!

Kim and Alyssa (or...How I Ran Fast)

Today was the last "rehearsal" race before the big one in a little over 3 weeks. I don't think I'm supposed to say rehearsal.  It's sports after all.  Practice.  Yeah, practice.

I have to admit, I did not feel prepared for this one.  15k or 9.3 miles.  Yes, I'd run 9 miles before.  Yes, I'd even run 10 miles before - but I struggled with those distances and now it was gonna be around people. The nerves were different this time.  More about the run.  Less about the extras.

Lessons learned from the first rehearsal race:
I knew exactly when to leave my house,
where to park,
what to bring,
and what to do with my glasses if I brought them by accident.

Packing a bag made my life so much easier.
Even if all I had packed were ketchup packets and my book club book, the bag still would have been perfect.  It was like a safety net.

I arrived at the race site earlier than last time and had plenty of time to gear up.  It seemed like fewer people than last time.  Maybe it was more organized.  Or maybe I knew what I was doing.

I was second guessing my decision to wear shorts and a tee shirt.  It was supposed to be in the 60s but it felt chilly to me.

Time to line up.
The usual techno music pumped through the speakers.
This time I scoped out a pacer.  These Marathon-in-Training pacers are coaches who ideally run at a steady pace.  I've heard about these peeps, but have been a loner while running. Since I've had trouble with my GPS keeping true pace and I was tired of checking it so often, a pacer seemed like a good thing to try.

This time, no one near me heard the countdown or the horn go off.  We just started moving.
Oh, I guess we're going!!

First loop of three, I stayed pretty close to the scoped out pacers.  The down side is that it's crowded near the pacers.  The upside is, after the first mile, the one holding the pace sign turned around and said, WE JUST RAN OUR FIRST MILE!!!  And she high-fived a bunch of people near her.  OK.  This could be fun.  Running with a cheerleader.  Once in a while one of the two of them would drop back and cheer through the crowd.
"We got this!" She said to the girl next to me.
"OOOH, I love your shoes!" She said to me.
It was really fun to run near someone so excited.

Near the end of the first loop, the pacer shouted out, if you're running a 5k, now is the time to give it everything you've got!!!!
Everyone cheered.  Except me.
I had two more loops.  6 more miles!  Woo-hoo.  No. Not woo-hoo.

At the start of the second loop, there were only a few of us.
The pacer dropped back by me, "You're doing great. You feeling OK?"
"I'm good!" Thumbs up.
We introduced ourselves since we had quite a ways to go together.
Kim and Alyssa.
They took turns holding the pace sign and coming back and checking in.
They let everyone run their race and checked back once in a while - usually near the water stations.

As I neared the end of the second loop, I had doubts.
I had doubts about finishing this race.
I had doubts about how I was going to run 13 miles in May.
I was struggling.

That's when I heard, "Yeah, Joyce!!!"
It was my friend Kortney on the sideline!!!  I found out after the fact that she was at the last race.
"Hey Kort!!!"
It's amazing what someone shouting my name and clapping their hands in my general direction does for my will.
(lesson learned: every single run has a point where I have doubts about my abilities and every single run, I run right past them)

Crossing the end of loop two with Kim and Alyssa, was super fun.  Everyone knew them.  Everyone joked with them and clapped for them.  So in a way, by proxy, they clapped for me!

At the start of the third and final loop was a water station.  Alyssa dropped back by me.  "Have you had water?"
"Last stop I did."
"Keep taking water, it'll help your blood pump easier."
The ladies stopped at each water station briefly. Knowing that they were stopping gave me confidence to stop and sip a little as I needed and not have to splash it all over me.
I sipped and threw the cup into the trash box. They both looked at me.  I nodded.  Let's do this.  Last lap.

Right after we got going, I saw Kortney again.
"Good job, Joyce!"
Again, it just does wonders for my motivation.  Yes.

(Here I am with my pacers.  I really need to work on my face in case of surprise photos.)

And again, Kim and Alyssa checked in.
"You're doing great.  You feel OK? We're gonna keep checking to be sure you're with us."
"I'm here!"

Last loop.
I felt every step of this one.
I fell WAY back from the pacers.
I could see them off in the distance, but there was no way I would be able to finish with them.

I was on my own.  The countdown for myself began.
Two miles left.  Two miles!  You can do two miles.

Having done this loop a total of 5 times over the last couple of weeks, I knew exactly where the finish line was at all times.

One mile left.
Kim and Alyssa are no longer in sight.

Under the last bridge and I heard the echoes of music thumping and the announcer congratulating finishers.

That's when something amazing happened.

I looked up and saw Kim running toward me.
She came back for me.
Last third of a mile.
"You got this, we're so close."
"I got this."

She asked, "Is this your first 15k?"
"Yep, first one."

She started clapping and cheering.
"WE GOTTA PERSONAL RECORD RIGHT HERE!!"

"DISTANCE PR RIGHT HERE!!!"

"You ran such a good race today! You kept up a great pace!  You're doing so good!"

As we got closer to the finish line, Kim and Alyssa were on either side of me.
Kim continued to cheer and clap for me.
"DISTANCE PR! RIGHT HERE!! PERSONAL RECORD!!"
That's when the announcer heard her.
Close to the finish line, over the speakers, I hear, "She's finishing her first 15k today and she did it in under 2 hours!"
The crowd cheered so loud - I swear I heard the 'Rudy' theme in my head.

I finished with a huge smile on my face and over 15 minutes faster than I thought I would.

I thanked them at least 40 times.  They were the most ideal running coaches.

"We'll see you at the Cap City Half!!!!"

Checked my pace, it was faster than I've ever run.

30 days

Holy *expletive*

routine

training has become routine.  not in the dreadful meaning of the word though.  but in that i know what to expect.  even when going for a distance i've never run before, i know what to expect.
in a way, this bi-product of training ideally helps me *attempt* to focus on other things. the routine will simply take over.

so while today's ten mile run hovered over my head this week, i wasn't too worried.  i've achieved new distances before.  i could do this one.

well.
i did it. but routine did not take over.

i felt every step.  i remember every method of self-talk i used to get through it.
and i almost stopped. it was the closest i've ever come to stopping.

that point of no return came when i was 7 miles in.  everything was hurting.  water was almost on empty.  the detour to get water ended in padlocked bathrooms.  i thought through my options.  stop and walk for 3 plus miles? stop and call someone to pick me up?  any option i thought of became not an option.

and i kept going.

i pulled out some old motivators:
"your legs aren't quitting, your head is."

"you were strong enough to get this far, you're strong enough to keep going."

"just x more miles, you can do x miles easy."

even music wasn't working.
an ol' favorite kicked in a little over a mile and a half out: titanium.
that usually perks me up and keeps me running forever.
as soon as the familiar picked guitar intro started, i ripped my headphones out of my ears.
first time i've ever run without music and it was at a miserable part of the run.

at one mile left, a girl who was running toward me and gave me a thumbs up.  most just wave or look straight ahead.  i've had one other runner give me a thumbs up and it was the best "yes i can!" moment.  this girl gave me a thumbs up and a nod and i burst into tears.  finish this!

the last half mile was a constant push. a constant talk.
i'm not even sure what i was doing is considered a pace, but i was moving forward.

i got to the last bit and felt my gps vibrate notifying me of 10 miles.

i bent over and rested on the fence right next to that ten mile mark which now has some of my sweat and tears on it.


olentangy trail:
i have fallen deeply in love with the running trail.
today i saw more of it than i've ever seen.
and it was a beautiful day.
here are some highlights:

Ten Kays

Today's race was all about practice.

Practice for the big one in May.

I couldn't help thinking that as I laid awake at 2:30 last night.  Then again at 4.  

If my nerves for this race are only a fraction of May's half marathon, then I will not sleep or eat May 1-3.  

A lot of the nerves were about where to park.  Where to go.  Will I bring everything?  Will I bring too much?

I had a nightmare that I accidentally wore my glasses during the run and tripped and fell and broke my glasses.  ??  I think that was about my anxiety of being prepared.

The morning was a little chilly.  OK, a LOT chilly. 

I found parking. Geared up.  Walked over to COSI along with 2000 of my closest friends.  It was a silent walk.  Eerily quiet.  Felt like everyone was nervous.

And I was cold.

Oh good god.  I'm freezing.  

I'll warm up when I start running?

Luckily the museum was open and everyone huddled around the pendulum waiting for the time to tick closer to race time.

I started reading signs around the museum.  Wait, how can I read signs??  Why can I see??

My nightmare had come true.  I had my glasses on.  I forgot to put my glasses in the car!  

It was too close to start time to run back.  What am I supposed to do with my glasses???

UGH!

I checked pockets.  Too loose.  Too small. 

Oh brother.  Wear them??

I wandered away from the pendulum.

I wanted to get going.  10 minutes until start time.

"Hey, Joyce."

"DAVE!!!!  YOU'RE HERE!!!!"

I ran into a friend I didn't think would be there.

In the middle of 2000 people, we ran into each other.

"DAVEIHAVEMYGLASSESIDON'TKNOWWHATTODOSHOULDIWEARTHEM??!!!"

As always, his calm voice offered solace.  

"I'll just put them in my bag."

Oh.  Right.  OK.

Seeing Dave really helped me calm down. 

He reminded me this is all about practice for the big race. 

Everyone started inching toward the doors.  It was time to line up.

The flags outside were really blowing hard.  

The inflatable arch signaled the start and finish line.

House of Pain blared on the speakers.  "Jump around!  Jump around!"

It was time to start.

Dave and I parted. "Good luck!"  He would finish about a half hour ahead of me.

I found a pace marker that sounded about right.  I'll stand here.

The countdown began.

House of Pain was still yelling.

All my gear was queued up. iPod? check.  gps? check.

Jump Around!!!  Jump up, jump up, and get down!!!

3-2-1! 

The horn sounded.

Everyone surged toward the inflatable arch.  

Then we stopped.  Then we surged.  Then everyone slowly walked.

I had that feeling when I go up the hill on the roller coaster. 

I know exactly what's on the other side of that inflatable arch.  And it was coming slowly.

Then we were off.  

My legs felt fresh.  

No soreness. 

I looked at my gps at about 1/2 mile.  I was running WAY too fast.  I knew this was going to happen.

Slow.  Down.

I want to be able to finish the race!  Not be zonked and have to crawl.  

Slow.  DOWN!

At about a mile and half, there was a traffic jam.

What IS this!?!?  

It was the first water station.  I looked at my gps and noted where we were.  I was going to run this 5k loop twice and didn't need water now, but I knew it would be exactly where I'd need it second time around.  

First loop:

There were some HILLS!

some were short and steep.  some were long and steep.  some were long and not so steep.  

But there were some HILLS!

Yeah, that reminds me - I'm gonna need to train on some hills soon.

The route would have been beautiful if it was a little later in the year.  

We ran along the streets and trails that lined the river.  

Without the blooms of the trees, it was a bit desolate.  

The route winded enough that sometimes I could see people way way ahead of me and at the same time, I could see people way way behind me.  

At one point, I looked at the trail behind and only saw about 11 people.

So, you're telling me, I'm in place #1,989???

Just keep running.  Keep your pace.

Repeat.

As the first loop finished, the flags and the arch were once again in sight.  The techno music pumped through the speakers as the announcer repeated - keep going, doing great, stay to the right.

Second loop:

Pretty sure there are some hills coming.  

All I kept my mind on was that water station I saw way back when.

It was almost time to take my GU.

The water station was in sight.  I eyed my guy.  

I took the cup.

THANK YOU!!!

I may have yelled too loud. (headphones were in)

This water is blue.

Oh, god, this water is Gatorade.

I drink plenty on my training runs.  

Out of water bottles.  

This was a dixie cup.

With blue Gatorade.

I tried to sip. 

Blue Gatorade splashed all over my face and sweatshirt.

I tried again.

Too much went in my mouth and I choked and I almost threw up.  

OK, I quit the blue Gatorade.

Now my countdown to myself began.

2 miles left.  You can do two miles.  

Two miles is easy.

You can do 2 miles.

A steep, long hill.  OK. Got this.

People stopped to walk it.  

I refuse to stop.

I plowed up that hill. 

I will not walk.  I will not stop.

Forward.

Go.

Ugh.

My self talk is just syllables now.

Almost to the top and I realize I'm getting lapped by the faster runners doing the 15k.

Little dude SHOOTS to the top of the hill I felt like all my achievement in conquering this hill was just smacked down.
I look at the girl next to me.

"Holy Crap!"

We laugh and finish the hill together.

I can hear the music and the speaker guy again.  Half a mile.  

Got this!!!

Half a MILE!!!

The flags and inflatable arch are in view again.

This time, I don't take my eyes off the arch.

FINISH!!!!

And now I'm the proud owner of one of these.

Never had one of these before!!!

One more practice race (15k) in two weeks.  

And then....the big one in 40 days on May 4th.