Level Up

Still going.

Still running.

But we're at a new level this round.

I got to the top of the scaffolding at the finish line of the half marathon in May.  During that race, though, I got hit by a bunch of barrels and was, like, see-through and had...like, well, only one life left....  OK, OK, I don't remember that much about Donkey Kong, but if I could play the metaphor out, it'd be summarized with - - I have made it to the next level.

I'm back to training (for *half* of the Columbus Marathon in October).  

I'm stronger.
I'm faster.
I'm less fearful.
And it's exciting!

And.... it's totally part of my life.

Friday, my co-worker asked, "You got plans tonight, Joyce?"

My response:  "Let's see, tomorrow is 9 miles, so that means tonight I have to go to the grocery store for some bananas, yogurt, Gatorade, PowerGel, do some laundry, and get my gear ready for tomorrow's run."

Co-worker: *blank stare*

Yeah.

I'm that person now.

And I love it.

I texted my friend this scenario.
How cuckoo am I??
The response:  You got a passion.

So in this new level, I've gotten a little faster, I have a little more ambition, and passion.

I'm OK with this.

So the 9 miles this morning....
It was a great run.
There were TONS of long distance dudes on the trail getting their long runs in this morning.
I was with the big dogs out there.


Some highlights:

• My turn-around point

I love the Lane Avenue bridge.

• I got to give an awkward thumbs up to a hero of mine.  

• The sunrise.

(No picture. That one was just for me this time.)

Race Day.

Race day was a dream-like mix of excitement and exhilaration with just a half-cup of horror and distress.

I have been looking forward to this day for five months.  I had imagined it at least 4-5 times a day since I signed up in January.  And it was even more than I could have realized.

Saturday.  5am. Woke up, tried to cram oatmeal into a very nervous stomach, and tried to remember everything I needed. All of these three things were a bit difficult.  Packing the night before was hardly productive as "race brain" had taken over.  Decisions were impossible.  Knowing the answer to anything was not going to happen.

The first fun of the day was the 6am arrival of my high school friend ACP from Chicago!  We hadn't seen each other since Thanksgiving.  What a fun and special addition to such a great day.

Natalie and Stacey were not far behind and we were off to the race.

The day was beautiful.  Perfect weather.  A little breezey.  OK, REALLY breezy.  After checking bags and multiple attempts at bib attachment (*i have no torso*), it was time to head over to the corral starting gates.

Walking to the corral and eventually up to the starting line felt like we were rock stars marching to battle.  I know that analogy does not make sense.  But I have no better way to explain it. We were a few waves back from the start.  So we got to hear the horn go off twice.  The second horn indicated Natalie's start. She was off!!!!

Our wave collectively slowly marched into starting position.  Music thumped louder.  Cheers and the announcer got louder.  Stacey and I clutched hands and just looked at each other.  This was it. Right now.
The feeling of approaching the roller coaster drop was there again.  And ironically, the song on the speakers urged everyone to put their hands up.

Our horn sounded and we were off. To be honest I really don't remember anything about the first mile.  I remember the sound in my ear indicating mile one and I realized we were in it. We're running a half marathon.  Mile one was over.
Mistake one:  I said to myself:  "Only 12 miles left."

I knew where some of my friends were going to be along the way, so I really looked forward to each of those areas.
My arms and shoulders hurt today and I'm pretty sure it's from frantically waving at everyone I saw.  So honored that people came to watch me run by for 2 seconds.  Some people were at multiple points on the course and that to me was like some sort of magic!!!  How'd you do that!??!

We got to mile 5 without much of a hitch.
The worst part of the first 5 miles was the dodge and weave of all of the walkers on the course. The zig zagging really took its toll on me by mile 6.  I tried to take a sip of something at each water station, which were a little further than a mile apart.   By 6.5 or 7, something wasn't right.  Nothing hurt, but I suddenly panicked - I was not going to be able to do this.  I didn't know what to do.
I said out loud, "Stacey..."
She looked at me.  "Joyce, it's not going to be easy."
Joyce, "Right."
Stacey, "There's going to be pain, and we have to get through this."
Joyce, "Yes."
Stacey, "Take a few deep breaths, slow down for a little bit and let's go."
Joyce, "Yep."

I tried to do what she said.  And it worked at first.
But then I slowly lost it again.  It wasn't working.  I slowed way down.  I could see Stacey in her purple for a little while, but then she was gone.
Worst part was I couldn't find the tough mental voice I usually use to talk myself through these things.
I was blank.
The only thing I could think about was finding my friends waiting along the way to ask them what to do.
When it dawned on me....
This is my race.
This is MY race.
I took a few deep breaths and kicked into gear again.

By mile 8, I was CRAVING the next water station.  The "Marathon Fueling Station" signs were some of the best sights on the latter half of course.
((Looking back in the light of today, I realize I wasn't drinking enough water in the early part of the race. I have been training in colder weather.  I'd worn short sleeves only twice during long runs.  Race day was in the mid 60s and was in full on sun and wind.  I had taken too little water and that was the cause for the blank mind, the feeling of malaise, the slow movement. NOW I know.))

The most pain I was feeling was the urge to pee.  Have you ever tried to run when you really had to pee?? But I was soooo thirsty.  Every port-a-john I passed had a line.  I don't know why I wasn't willing to sacrifice 3 minutes of my time.  But it made sense to me back then in the midst of it.  Now I know it probably would've been better to stop and wait in line rather than not want to drink or not to run because i had to pee.

I walked a LOT during mile 9.  It was a desolate part of the course.  I would run a little bit and walk through and beyond the water station.  Eventually figuring out that I'd get more to drink if I grabbed a cup in each hand.

At the end of a water station at mile 10, I saw them.  Friends!  They had hilarious signs.  They were ready to high five me and kick me into gear.  I may have high fived Jake at the end of the line a little too hard in an effort to pump myself up.
Move it.
Almost immediately after them, I saw another friend.  I ran over to her, and tried to say to her without other spectators hearing me, Alexa, I'm struggling.
She looked at me and said firmly,
"No.  You are awesome.  You Go.  Right now."

I don't know what it was about her tone of voice.  But she meant it.  And I did go.

I knew I was close to the last 2 miles.  Because every single spectator was telling me that.  I was really looking forward to the last bit at Schiller park.  Such a pretty park.  I knew that just beyond the park was the final push up High Street to the finish.

The final turn was very exciting.  I love the neighborhood.  There were a lot of DJs spinning their *funky beats*.  I finally just let loose and started singing along with the songs.
The emotion was building.  I had struggled through probably the worst run I've ever had and now I was this close to the end of my journey.

One of the spectators yelled out, "Yay!!! GO 2:50 pace group!!!"
Interesting, since I started out with 2:40.
I had really slowed down.
The pacer slowly passed by and I gasped.
It was Elisa.
It's Elisa from my 15k blog post!!

I wanted to call out to her,
"I'm sorry for misspelling your name!"
"I'm sorry for not running with you from the beginning!"
"Thank you for what you did for me back in April!"
or
"I really like your sequinned skirt!!"

But I couldn't say anything.
She, as I remember her from the race in April, called out to the group,
"We are less than one mile away from the finish!!!  How long have you been training!!??"
5 MONTHS! is what I thought to myself.

She continued,
"You OWE it to yourself to go hard right now.  Finish strong.  Look at the finish line!!  Do you see it!???"

I did see it.  I saw the flags.  I heard the music.
We were getting close.
She turned around to make sure everyone was with her.
That's when she saw me and squealed.
"GIRLFRIEND!!!!!"
I immediately leaned into her and burst into tears.
This was it.
This was the final push.
"YOU'RE DOING IT!! YOU'RE DOING GREAT!!"

Almost at the finish, I saw ACP and Linda ready to watch me cross the finish line.

I crossed that line and took two deep breaths and just shook my head.
I did it.
That's when I heard JOYCE BUCKLEY!!!!
It was one of the magic spectators with their multiple locations!!
Mary Kay waited for me at the finish line.
I made a straight line over to her and collapsed into her hug and burst into tears.
"Joyce, you did it!!!  YOU DID IT!!!!"


Cap City Half Marathon 2013 from joyce buckley on Vimeo.

it's time

race week is here.
this is a surreal, exciting, miserable, nervous, absent minded, emotion filled week.

i cannot sit still.

every minute of this week has been focused on saturday.
my whole thought process is geared toward prep.

eating
dressing
sleeping
cleaning
drinking
all of it is about how it will affect saturday.

i'm making sure everyone coming into town, everyone coming to the race, everyone who knows me has the info they need.

last night, we drove the course.
it's very long. and very beautiful.
i know what to expect and where to expect it.

two days are left and then i take my final exam.
hell, i've been studying for this test for over five months.

eleventy

today's scheduled run was 11 miles.  

everything after today will be decrease and taper in preparation for me to be at my strongest for the race. so as you can imagine, i really couldn't wait to get this distance out of the way. partly to not be scared of it anymore.  and partly to see how i'll potentially do on the big day.

as i got geared up this morning, i was really nervous.  so much so that i was pretty shaky.  

i tried to focus on the normal routine i do before long runs.  

oatmeal. coffee. banana. prepare gear. charge phone. charge ipod. 

out the door.

i felt fresh and really strong for the first 8 miles!

it was very exciting.

with race time quickly approaching, spectators are solidifying their plans. 

since i know most of the people planning to show up, i was able to imagine them on the sidelines.  some will make me laugh.  some will make me cry.  and ALL will make me feel like i can run the whole distance.

during the early part of the run, a text popped up on my phone.  even though i couldn't read it, i saw it was from my friend, amy, and thus knew what it said.  

she is constantly telling me:  you are a distance runner!!

this became my mantra today.

tiring out.

"you are a distance runner"

questioning if i could really do this distance

"you are a distance runner"

what's that pain?

"you are a distance runner"

((my friends have TRULY been my motivators and cheerleaders))

i got to about 8.5 miles and started to struggle.  

there's a point on the running trail where it overlaps some residential streets and at 9.8 miles i stopped and stood on the corner of an intersection.  i just stood there.  and cried.

and thought of my friend nicci who told me a few weeks ago she did the same during a very long run.

i was scared i wouldn't be able to start up again.

i was angry i had stopped at all.

i was frustrated that i stopped with little more than a mile to go.

that's when i took a deep breath and started off again.  

after only a couple minutes, i almost stopped again.  

in fact, i slowed down but actually yelled out "NO!" and kept going.

i checked my gps almost every 10 seconds.  

as SOON as that bugger switched to 11 miles, i got to walk again.

so while it wasn't the triumphant run i had hoped for, i did the distance i had set out to do.

the countdown is nearing single digits!!

if you people don't have anything planned for next saturday, come cheer me on!!

it's becoming obvious i'm gonna need all the help i can get.

here's the MAP of the course!!

"Well, it's not TEN, is it." Nigel Tufnel

one number has been on my mind for a few days.

sunday morning's mileage.

this will be the LONGEST run until the race.
the next two weeks of training will be tapering.

until then, my stomach is fluttery and my mind is repeating these soundbites:

side effect

decision deficiency

in my regular life, i'm not one to enjoy decisions - easy, difficult, important, trivial - they're all the same to me.

this weakness of mine has been highlighted recently.  

and it's magnified even more as time ticks closer to MAY 4th.

i feel so zoomed in on the half marathon that my brain doesn't have energy for anything else.

while shopping on saturday, i spent 25 minutes staring at t-shirts of various colors. 

what color t-shirt should i buy? this was the most difficult decision i've made in years. 

i was frozen.... over a t-shirt.

yesterday, the kind woman behind the wendy's counter asked me if i wanted butter with my baked potato. i was frozen. butter?  how am i supposed to know. way too much of this lady's and my co-worker's time was taken up to end up with no butter.

i'm sharing this as a cordial cautioning to my friends and to those who will be around me in the next couple of weeks.

please don't ask me to decide.

if you need me to decide, please don't sigh impatiently when it takes me 15 minutes to pick which Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream flavor i'll enjoy. (side note: their banana cajeta is amazing)
don't expect a direct answer if you need me to decide which golden girls episode is my favorite. (side note: 'a little romance' has hilarious one liners - "shrimp?!")

and sweet Stan Brule, please don't let this deficiency of mine get any worse!