fear.

Today's scheduled long run was 6 miles.



I had been super excited all week to get to Saturday.

Reaching the milestones are beyond exciting.
Crossing those first time distances off the list has been some of the more euphoric and proud moments.

That being said, all the excitement came to a screeching halt as I sat down to put on my running shoes. 

and I burst into tears.

The anticipated 6 miles was suddenly terrifying. 

But do you wanna know what I did?

I put on my shoes anyway.

I stood up.
I went outside, and I ran six miles.
I shoved that fear in the face.

Fear is OK, I've decided. Being fear's bitch is not OK.

Side note:: I'm hearing a lot lately from people who say that it's great that I'm doing this and they've always wanted to run distances but they could never do it.
Here's the deal, no, you really will never do it when you say "I could never do it".
But just try it!!
You remember my lazy butt.
You remember my sedentary, couch loving butt.
But then I stood up.
And I just decided.
Just decide!
And then stand up!

Today's record distance also journeyed into new territory: nutrition.
I hadn't even carried water with me yet.  But now it was time to carry water and electrolyte supplements.
I was given these to try and was so excited to be a big time runner with the energy chews.

But....what the heck do I do with 'em??

Good ol' ChrissyD told me she schedules her intake - every 45 minutes, pop a chew.
After being baffled by a simple running app and not being able to combine minute and distance alerts, I decided to take this idea but schedule my intake by distance. 
I decided to pop a chew at 3 miles and again at 5 miles.

What a genius plan. 
.....until my GPS played games with my head.
I got about 3/4 mile from my house and looked at the tracker and realized it hadn't restarted after stopping at the stoplight.

FUUUUUUUUUUUdge.
(only I didn't say fudge.)

I started to panic.
MY SCHEDULE!
MY SCHEDULE FOR CHEWS!
It took about 20 seconds for me to calm down and just start the distance from then.

The first chew came right at one of my favorite songs on the ipod.
I'm not sure how long it's supposed to take to work, but the chew combined with the song, I felt like I could go forever.  And I felt that way for about a half mile.
Looking back at the split times of my half miles on my running tracker, I can see exactly where I popped those chews. My pace quickened just a hair.  However, looking back at the split times, I also discovered that today was one of the more evenly paced runs I've ever had.  I don't know what that means, but I like it.

Since my GPS messed with my head, it also had me end my 6 miles a little ways from the house.  So I walked the rest of the way home.  I was self-conscious about people thinking I had quit and had given up running. 

Not true, people on the street!!

I JUST RAN 6.15 MILES!!!!
(cross it off the list)

music and running pt. 2

More of my favorite music for running.


.
Tron Legacy.  Who knew!? 
Daft Punk = Geniuses.
At 1:42 of this clip, RUN LIKE HELL!
Love.




I'm loving Now Now more more every day day.




Macklemore again. Yeah, that's right.  You gotta problem with that???
Cuz...if you do, I probably can't outrun you, but I can probably run FURTHER than you.
So....
"I'll go so high, my feet won't touch the ground..."




Cutest song ever.




Tanlines. Loving the calypso rhythm, the old school synth, the beat is perfect.




Drop Electric.  Builds and builds. 
In my mind, I go faster and faster. 
In real life, I go the same turtle speed.
But this song makes me feel better about it.




My Jonsi and Sigur Ros obsession continues.
In my mind, the video montage of my training culminating with the race and ultimately my finish will be documented by NBC Sports and this is one of the songs they'll use at the climax moment.
Who are you to judge me!?




Yo.

new shoes! (again)

I'm quickly learning that running is a money suck!

Shoes:
I've already shuffled through my old new pair.

The sole is nice and smooth
My calves are knotted and burning.
Time for new!! (Rest in Peace, Asics, you were good friends to me)

Enter Road Runner.
I spent my lunch hour getting measured; pressure pointed; balanced; and coming to peace with my mis-sized, high arched, one out-turned freak feet.


The end result.

Tomorrow's run will be the true test.

Compression:
In addition to shoes, I bought some new compression sleeves.
Almost more excited about these than the new shoes.

They're supposed to help with recovery and muscle soreness after a run.

I couldn't wait to put them on.

**please note, I do not think this is the most fashionable way to wear them, but I'm not really mad at it**

ryan.

well....ok.

Thank you.

Accidentally read this article today and it made me accidentally cry at my desk.
It just reinforced with me that in such a short time, running has become to mean so much to me.

If you want to know what made me turn into a weepy toddler, it was these words:

So, today I say: Thanks, running. Thank you for making me a stronger person, both physically and mentally. Thanks for helping me stay sane. Thanks for some of the warmest memories I have, thanks for taking me to new places, thanks for introducing me to so many amazing people. Thanks for being there whenever and wherever I need you.
Thanks, universe, for giving me a body that's capable of running. Thanks for nudging me into running in the first place. While we're at it, thanks for making me aware of how much I have to be grateful for.
And thanks, running friends. You know who you are. Really. Thanks.

music and running pt. 1

music is my favorite.
if it were acceptable, and if anyone cared, i'd write about it every day and tell you my various fleeting obsessions and discoveries.

my playlist for running is its own beast.
it is continuously adjusted, deleted from, added to - songs of various speeds and energies.
music during my run is as important to me (if not more) as my shoes or what I'm gonna wear.
abnormal or not, it's become a key motivation for me on my runs.

these are just a handful of songs that i have never skipped or hit next when they play and have almost come to rely on them. 
in addition to these are almost every song sigur ros, jonsi, and m83 have ever made.
more about their influence on me in a future post.


ah, the dark knight. who wouldn't feel energized and super-hero-esque with this music.



the ultimate chick anthem. 



kasabian makes me increase my pace every. single. time.




there are a few how to destroy angels songs on my playlist. trent reznor has always had an effect on me.




when kelis sings 'give me wings to fly', i'm asking for the same thing.





"i know i'm runnin' baby, but i need you now."



silversun pickups.




skrillex has been with me since the very beginning. i heart him.
"yo, skrill, drop it hard!"



i mentioned my current love of macklemore in an earlier post.
there is no way to not smile during this song.




the cliche and typical runners anthem.
i don't care. 
it's cliche for a reason. and i love it.




OK, so i WILL post an m83 song.
i don't have the words to describe what this song (and others of theirs) does to me mid-run.

more later.

Come Here Often?

I can remember lots of things. 

• The day my sister came home from being born at the hospital (and the red swingset I got as payment for this event). 

• My locker combination from high school: 16-2-34. 

• Every phone number from every house I've lived in: 
• (966-8294 Fair Oaks, California)
• (232-1370 Denver, Colorado)
• (394-1541 Arlington Heights, Illinois)

But the one thing I CANNOT remember is that I do NOT look cute feminine human after a run. 
I should NOT try to get that cute boy's attention as I'm leaving the gym.
I should NOT try to smile at him as we cross paths.

Red face.
Sweat in all places.
Swollen eye bags.
Hair in all directions
Boobs SQUASHED flat into a sports bra(s)
And most likely hunched over or walking extra tenderly.

"If being sexy was a crime, I'd be guilty as charged," said me never.

Choice.

This is the dilemma I have every day.

Momentum

Momentum is fading.
I knew it would.
As time sneaks away from that unreal day when I signed up, and the race is still a far speck in time, there's no way to sustain the excitement or momentum.

The urge to turn off the 5:20am alarm clock or to rationalize skipping a day is getting stronger.
I cannot allow this.
Seriously.  I can't.

I started on the weight machines today.
Thanks to the push and instruction of Amynoie and ChrissyD.

It took me two attempts to actually use the weights.
The first attempt, I strutted in with "confidence", looked at the machines, and turned right back around to ride the bike. After two minutes on the bike, I thought, NO, I need strength! I wanna be strong!

So I marched over for a second time and what I had feared actually happened.
I sat down like I knew what I was doing at the shoulder push-up machine. 
Only, I didn't push it up, I tried to push it forward.  Then looked at the weight to be sure it wasn't that heavy.  Yeah..... It wasn't heavy as much as I was a dummy.
Next time, I'll strut up to the machine and know exactly which way to push the bar.  I hope.

Meanwhile, I am tired.  But I am no where near tired enough to quit.